Louisiana

i wrote an extensive journal entry today with my thoughts so far on being in New Orleans. here's an excerpt. i apologize for the inconsistent capitalization--it's been a tiring day.

it's hard work. i knew it would be, but it's even more physically demanding than i expected. today and yesterday, we worked on Mr and Mrs Green's house in the Ninth Ward, completely gutting it. Everything inside the house had to be removed. Everything inside had been ruined by the flooding, sitting underwater for many days. It was all a gray, jumbled mass of damp, muddy sludge. So first we moved the big pieces of furniture, and then started shoveling everything else into wheelbarrows to be taken out to the curb. Then the carpet was torn up and discarded. This process was repeated for all the rooms, including the kitchen and bathroom. There was so much to take out, and it was all wet and largely unrecognizable. It's a small house, but it was like the whole house had been filled with dirty water and shaken vigorously, and then left to drain very slowly during weeks of hot weather.

we went back today and continued cleaning, knocking down the drywall and covering the floor with yet more debris in the process. the main difference was that now everything being shoveled and wheeled out was broken and raised clouds of white dust instead of being rusted, damp, and moldy. the yellow rubber boots were crucial yesterday, and the face masks were important both days for protection from mold spores and drywall dust. it was hot and dank, but slowly began to air out as things were cleared away and the windows opened and the walls knocked out. shoveling is a slow, sweaty process. even with a crew of fifteen people, nearly everyone felt daunted when we first arrived, and were amazed b how much we accomplished. however, demolition is one thing and actually rebuilding is quite another.

many of the houses in the neighborhood were in much worse condition and beyond repair. some were collapsed down to the ground. Mr Green told us that the house across the street was not there before, it had been carried in from elsewhere. meanwhile, he did not know where the brick house that had been on the corner was now. on one property, I saw the foundation and layout of a first floor, complete with pink living room couch. but there was no house around it. i took pictures today of some of the houses on the street.

the magnitude of the devastation was far beyond what i could have imagined. the amount of work it will take to rebuild feels almost insurmountable. despite our group's efforts over the past two days, it seems like a mere drop in the bucket compared to how much still needs to be done at this house, then multiplied by hundreds of thousands houses. who will do the work? who will pay them?

when we went out to the French Quarter last night, we met a FEMA employee from Pittsburgh who estimated that it would take four to five years for things to be rebuilt and return to how they were. but what about the people who don't have the resources to return or rebuild? six months later, the Ninth Ward was still largely deserted, other than a few work crews. it seemed like very few had returned, and there certainly isn't much for them to come back to.

it's strange how impersonal this trip has been. other than a few of our group (not including me) who spoke with the Greens, our work has been largely distanced from the bigger picture. we still walked down Bourbon St like tourists, and had dance parties in the van, and socialize like young people on vacation do. it doesn't feel exactly right, but i don't know how else it can be. we don't discuss anything serious, or talk about the political implications of Katrina, or our own responses to the experience.

for me, cleaning out the Greens' house certainly made me want to get rid of more of my stuff. i don't need it. it's just stuff and clutter and junk. i want to tell more people the truth about how i feel about them when i have the chance.

it continues with more personal reflection about people and other things i'm not going to share on the internet, but it ended with:

i want to start cognitive therapy but i only have enough disposable income for roller derby.