a rumination situation

i was trying to figure this out last night by talking it over with matt ewe, but it didnt really get anywhere except the conclusion that i can think words much faster and more clearly and eloquently inside my head than out loud. i thought this was true for everyone, but apparently not, says he.

this is what was on my mind last night as i sat on the couch and looked out the open window onto melwood and listened to the rain drizzle steadily onto the pavement. i feel like i've reached the end of another chapter of my life and that something new and bright and exciting is waiting just over the horizon. this particular feeling of anticipation seems to occur cyclically about every two years. symptoms include general dissatisfaction, a nagging worry that my life has become idly stagnant and dependent, and a perceived need to run away alone somewhere wholly different, new, and unknown. it is uncertain whether there is something inherent in the time period of 2 years than lends itself to this restlessness, or..something else. as a possible but tenuous corollary, in the past few iterations, this time cycle has coincided with the significant relationships which have waxed and waned during each. case in point, Exhibit A: Timeline.

early 1997 - late 1998 : Jonathan
late 1998 - mid 2000 : Tim
2000 - 2001 : Darius (statistical aberration of "only" 1 year)
2001 - present 2003 : Matt H

i dont know what this means, or if there is even a correlation. and i got up for a few minutes to talk chemistry and forgot where this is going. but there is change in the air. such shifts are usually of a renewed outlook and mental perspective and clarity, and are ushered in by the seemingly limitless potential of the people and events around me. these same shifts are preceded by a sort of restless confusion about where i am and what i want. really, i am just rambling now, with lots of big words and elaborately deliberate sentence constructions..

vague. poorly conceptualized and poorly written. and surely dull for you, dear reader. but stay tuned anyway for more late-breaking news as self-revelations occur.