more crappy emo writing!
bleh. letting stupid irrelevant things bug me again. it hasnt happened (rather, i havent let it happen) for several months now. i dont know why i cant just write it all off but hey it's 1 am so my moods are muddled. and my friend's here ("that bitch"), so more with the moodiness probably. why do i feel this compelling need to justify myself to someone who doesn't even know me? i cant maintain ignorance and i cant face confrontation. i take everything personally, and probably repress a lot of ill-will, not that there's much to begin with. no wait that's not true no ill-will, i dont dislike anyone. divided instead into liking, ambivalance, or pity. is pity condescending, worse than hate? maybe one more category, a silently-seething-biding-my-time. i get what i want because i am good at making people (think they) want it too. or making them need me. the perfect drug? <--cliche.